This is a document of reflections and feedback on the performance Extraordinary Ordinary Day at the Saying the Unsayable Exhibition. It is a summary of what took place and an attempt to convey the essence of our experience delivering the event and some of the moments to illustrate.

Once create ceremonial performance; public secular ritual events for people to reflect on the mortality of themselves and others. Our work explores mortality, not at the point of crisis but in an everyday context. We aim to provide an opportunity to explore death and grief in a framed secular context and to give an experience of the ways in which art can inform and support our daily lives.

The Performance

In the centre of the exhibition was somebody’s kitchen table in somebody’s kitchen. Maybe it was everybody’s kitchen table. The kitchen was inhabited by two women, an actor and a musician. They invited people in. They encouraged them to sit down and share stories with them. The performers drew from a bank of rehearsed ‘scenes’ which told a story of somebody dying. They might chose a reflective piece which told the story of the death of someone only met a few times, through words, imagery and music, or a lighter piece about a teenager’s experience of the death of their grandparent, told through object theatre. They might sing a song about caring for their mother whilst washing the audience/participant’s hands, or they might even get the audience/participants to create a miniature funeral for a sailor lost at sea.

They would then ask one of the audience/participants to tell those gathered there about someone they knew who had died. This questioning was somewhat ritualised, followed a set structure and pattern of questions, but with space in it for people to go where they needed/wanted to go.

People came and went as they wanted and the conversation/performance turned and span with many different energies. Like a conversation round a kitchen table it went in many directions and onto the tangents people wanted to take it on, but always ended up where it had begun, remembering someone who had died. People listened to each other, held each other’s memories gently. Emotions rose up, some known, some unexpectedly. People laughed and cried together, shared memories and time.

Using theatre and music the performers created and held a safe and honest space that inspired and allowed people to share their real stories.

A few moments that illustrate the sort of things that happened with the participants during the performance:

• A school group and a group of older people visited the exhibition at the same time, and watched the story that tells of a teenager’s experience of the death of a grandparent. There follows a discussion afterwards as one of the older people tells them the importance of finding out about their grandparents while they are alive. He tells them to find out their names, not just thinking of them as your grandparent but understanding that they are people who have lived many different things.
• A teenage girl stays for a while on her own and watches a few different stories. She tells the performers about the only person she has known who has died. In a scene where the performers make plans for their own funeral and discuss what songs they might like she suggests a song that she might like at her funeral and sings it, accompanied by the musician.
• A man tells everyone around the table about his wife, who has died. Everyone listens with honour and respect. He expresses his surprise that people are happy to listen, and that other people have, like him, been very keen to share their memories.
• A large group, including a family and some individuals, create a funeral for the sailor lost at sea. They begin to discuss what they would like at their funeral. The family start to make plans – the mother expresses strongly that she doesn’t want to be put in a coffin but wrapped in a shroud. The rest of her family didn’t know this before, but agree to her wishes. Many possibilities are discussed.

The Temporary Memorial

During the time the performance was happening inside the dome, and for a little while after each session, 2 artists outside made a temporary memorial, painting names in water of people they know who have died onto the floor of the square.

This peaceful, absorbing activity was initially designed as a vessel for the participants in the performance and viewers of the exhibition – somewhere they could take a moment to reflect before leaving, a place to mark the name of the person they had been speaking or thinking about, or perhaps talk more to the artists about their stories and responses to the exhibition and performance.

It became also a valuable stepping stone into the dome, a human intervention in the public space that passers-by could stare at, query, contemplate, be charmed by and speak to. This began the dialogue outside the exhibition in a non-confrontational and noncommittal way and required a smaller boundary to be crossed than that of walking into a dark tent.

The activity was deliberately flexible, temporary and fluid to peek curiosity and to keep boundaries and thresholds to a minimum. Participants and viewers of many ages interpreted the meaning of writing in water in many different poetic ways, the changing weather also inspired different poignant readings.

The artists engaged with passers by in a gentle way, following up on the meeting of an eye and a connection of curiosity. Firstly talking about what they were doing and then sign posting the activities within the dome. Many passers-by engaged with the memorial and the exhibition in this way. Over the 3 days we spoke to approx 300 people, most of whom entered the dome afterwards.

However for some an engagement with the artists outside was enough, this ranged from a brief moment writing a name or giving a name to be written to lengthy conversations, sharing their stories and experiences, thoughts and opinions. Whilst the memorial was an effective tool as a stepping stone into the exhibition, the quality of the engagement with those who did not go into the dome was also powerful, meaningful and complete.

The spontaneous human connection between two or a few strangers in public space on such an intimate and tender subject was an embodiment of the purpose of the exhibition. It illustrated the universality of the theme and the use of the most available resource we have in the effort to support and understand our journeys of death, dying and bereavement – our human connections.

A few moments that illustrate the sort of things that happened with the participants during the performance:

• A middle aged woman was passing by, she didn’t go into the exhibition, but asked what we were doing, I explained, she asked me to write a name for her, she watched whilst I painted it. ‘I feel really better now. Thank you’ and she went on her way.
• A woman writes the name of her grandmother – ‘I have never written her name before, her full proper name. I have only recently learnt what her actual real name was that she chose for herself and the story it tells of what kind of woman she was’
• Three boys, aged about 10 – ‘We are writing the name of his Grandad – we all knew him, he was our mate.’ They stayed and chatted for a while, they had just been passing with their football, went into the performance after talking with the artists outside, watched the performance and came back out and talked some more.
• A family come out of the exhibition and they decide the daughter (aged about 14) will write the name of a Grandmother. A conversation about organ donation begins, the Mother is very pro, the Father finds it difficult, the Daughter explains to her Dad ‘We will all go like this water Dad and it makes sense to use what is left behind, we will have to find a way of fulfilling Mum’s wishes if that is what she wants, it will be OK’.
• An office worker writes the name of his relative – ‘I know it will be gone in a bit, it will have dried up, but her name will always be there when I walk past here.’
• A young homeless man writes the name of a friend. He explains how he knew him from the hostel, but he didn’t hear about his death until after the funeral – he said it was nice to be able to write his name like this, to do something.
• A young man from Lebanon explains that he finds it very difficult that people in the UK don’t talk about bereavement. He says that he feels very awkward not being able to hear the stories of his colleagues when he knows they are going through difficult times like this.
• An elderly man ‘Can you write the name of my wife – it has been nice telling you about her.’

Children who have been speaking with Elders during the performance come outside and write names